Wit Sizzlers - Compiled by PATRICK NSIONU (2002 updates).

Never be afraid to try something new;

(Maybe, with one exception like the one at the end of this webpage).
Remember, amateurs built the ark.
Professionals built the Titanic.



Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's
. - Confucius

--------------------------Now A Fun Joke-Story---------------------------

There was this friend named Matthew who had a lot of trouble with subtraction. But he was smart in a different lot of ways.

One day, in the Math class, the teacher said to him,

"Okay, Matthew. If there are 3 birds sitting on a fence, and a hunter shoots one of them, how many are left?"

Matthew in his unusual smart way answered: "Well, none, 'cause the shot would have scared the other birds away."

Confused and holding his authority, the teacher said to him, "Actually, the answer is 2, but I like the way you think!"

Matthew smiled and threw this shocker, "Now I have one for you: 3 women are sitting on a bench eating popsicles. One is biting the popsicle, one is licking it, and one is sucking it. Which woman is married?"

The teacher smiled and said, "The one sucking the popsicle?"

"Actually," Matthew said to the teacher, "Actually, it's the one wearing the wedding ring, but I like the way you think too!"


Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.

- Confucius



Jesus, was in a very worried state one day, so he convened all of his apostles and disciples to an emergency meeting because of the high drug consumption problem all over the world. After giving it much thought they reached the conclusion that in order to better deal with the problem, that they should try the drugs themselves and then decide on the correct way to proceed. It was therefore decided that a commission made up of some of the members return to earth to get the different types of drugs.

The secret operation is effected and two days later the
commissioned disciples begin to return to heaven.

Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in the first disciple:
"Who is it?"
"It's Paul"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring, Paul?"
"Hashish from Morocco"
"Very well son, come in."

"Who is it?"
"It's Mark"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring, Mark?"
"Marijuana from Colombia"
"Very well son, come in."

"Who is it?"
"It's Matthew"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring, Matthew ?"
"Cocaine from Bolivia"
"Very well son, come in."

"Who is it?"
It's Luke"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring, Luke ?"
"Speed from Amsterdam"
"Very well son, come in."

"Who is it?"
"It's John"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring, John ?"
"Crack from New York"
"Very well son, come in."

"Who is it?"
"It's Judas, the first"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring, Judas One ?"
"Opium & Ecstasy from Afghanistan"
"Very well son, come in."

"Who is it?"
"It's Judas II (the other Judas)"
Jesus opens the door.
"What did you bring Judas II?"


AND LEAN AGAINST THE WALL! Don't try to resist arrest now!"


You Will Love This One:

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.

Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. "Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death - we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"

"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

And, the two men literally flew out of there, vowing never to pass through a cemetery ever again.


A Preacher was so nervous one morning that he exclaimed:

"I am sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me -

I will never get my speech back in order, so let me just tell you what I know."

------------------ ================ --------------------

"Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly." Now let's celebrate Global Friendship. Show your friends how much you care.

On this issue, Eleanor Roosevelt wrote:

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart.

Anger is only one letter short of danger.

If someone betrays you once, it is his fault; if he betrays you twice, it is your fault.

Great minds discuss ideas;
Average minds discuss events;
Small minds discuss people.

He who loses money, loses much;
He, who loses a friend, loses much more;
He, who loses faith, loses all.

Beautiful young people are accidents of nature. But beautiful old people are works of art.

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

Friends, you and me....until you brought another friend.... and then there were 3.

We started our group....our circle of friends....and like that circle....there is no beginning or end.

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow's a mystery. Today is a gift.

Let's celebrate Global Friendship Season at every opportunity.

Show your friends how much you care. Refer my websites to everyone you consider a FRIEND. If the referral comes back to you, then you'll know you belong to the circle of friendship.

Kindly visit my websites & SIGN THE GUESTBOOKS:




Sealed with Love & Prayer - Patrick Nsionu - New York., 2002.

Also, if you have a great line, story, or joke, please let me know at : PNsionu@aol.com

or, and, PatNsionu@Juno.com

(-: One little smile can fill a large room with sunshine :-)

==========------©© 2002 Patty Nsionu Online----------=========

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~=====+MORE JOKES+=====~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The inmate on death row was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the follow morning. Throughout the day, the prison guards were being very nice to him.

But when they asked him if he wanted something specific for his last meal, he didn't want anything special. When they asked if there was something special he wanted to do, he said nothing. It went on like this all day.

Finally when he was put before the firing squad, the guard asked if he wanted a cigarette and a blindfold.

"No," the inmate said, "just get it over with."

"Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?" said the guard. "You didn't even want a special last meal!"

The inmate thought. "Actually," he said, "Music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, with no interruptions."

The guard nodded and told him to go ahead.

And the inmate started, "One billion bottles of beer on the wall..."



Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents.

At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their

prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his



His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother

and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."

To which the little brother replied, "No, but Gramma is!"



Money Talks

A one dollar bill met a 20 dollar bill and said, "Hey, where have you been?

I haven't seen you around here much."

The twenty answered, "I've been hanging out at the casinos, went on a

cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for

a while, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of

stuff. How about you?"

The one dollar bill said, "You know, same old stuff: 'church, church, church'."


The Million Dollar Gift-Question (If I have a million dollar . . . remember the song?)

A man had a heart attack and was rushed to the hospital. After seeing him, the doctor instructed that he should receive few visitors or company; but, he is not to be excited. While recuperating in his hospital private room, a rich uncle dies and leaves him a million dollars. His family wondered how to break the news to him with the least amount of excitement.

They decided to ask the preacher of their Church (also a psychologist) if he could go and break the news quietly to the man. The preacher-psycho went, and gradually talked up to the question. The preacher asked the patient what he would do if he inherited a million dollars. He said, "I think I would give half of it to the church." And the preacher dropped dead.



One Sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach.

The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him."

So the minister began his sermon.

One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he liked the sermon.

The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~+++++++++++++++~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A man was giving a speech at his lodge meeting. He got a bit carried away and talked for two hours. Finally, he realized what he had done and said, "I'm sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home."

A voice from the back of the room replied, "There's a calendar behind you . . ."



How Sermons Make Future Preachers:

After a church service one Sunday morning, 
a young boy suddenly announced to his mother,

"I've decided to become a minister when I grow up."

"That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?" 

"Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell (at the people), than just to sit there and listen and be bored to death."
Cheerful Givers

A mother wanted to teach her daughter a lesson on giving. She gave the little girl a quarter and a dollar for church. "Put whichever one you want in the collection plate and keep the other for yourself," she told the girl. When they were coming out of church, the mother asked her daughter which amount she had given. "Well," said the little girl, "I was going to give the dollar, but just before the collection the priest said that we should all be cheerful givers. I knew I'd be a lot more cheerful if I gave the quarter, so I did."



Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm.

He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?"

His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny."

Little Johnny then says, "WOW!!! Ok, I can see why they threw him out!"


WOW = World of Wonder

There was a man walking alone along a beach. He comes across a bottle with a cork in it. The man picks up the bottle and pulls out the cork. A loud roar follows and a genie appears. The genie says to the man, "I'm a little tired today and I can only give you two wishes."

The man says "That's OK, two is enough." "First, I would like one-billion dollars in a Swiss bank account."

Poof - The genie hands the man a paper and says "Here's the number to your account."

Next the man says, "Second, I would like to be irresistible to women."

Poof - the genie turned him into a box of chocolates


Thanks for visiting and signing my guestbook. Keep visiting for News updates and new postings, especially, the coming attraction in didactic stories and jokes. Refer the site to other friends and well wishers. Just as a foretaste of more coming attractions look at this:

Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!"

Being "learned gentlemen as they were," the attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.


A large two-engined train was crossing America. After they had gone some distance one of the engines broke down. "No problem," the engineer thought, and carried on at half power.

Farther on down the rail lane, the other engine broke down, and the train came to a stand still.

The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement:

"Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time. The good news is that you

decided to take the train today and not fly."


I don't know your philosophy of life, but this message is worth reading:--Patrick Nsionu---

[This was what The Dalai Lama had to say on the millennium, which began 01/01/2001 for some people. Takes a few seconds to read and think about it & draw your own conclusions].

Instructions for Life in the new millennium from the Dalai Lama:

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three Rs: Respect for self, respect for others responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone every day.

9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.

14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.

15. Be gentle with the earth.

16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

*20. And I add, "if you want your dreams to come true, you must wake up."

- Patrick Nsionu (Millennium Reflections, '02)*



STORIES+JOKES didactica - [collegio]


A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson I:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.


A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy.

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. 

"They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Management Lesson II:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.




On Cosmetic Surgery + Long Life - A Joke+Story

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital in. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked "Is my time up?" God said "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, and tummy tuck. She even had someone come and change the color of her hair. Since she had so much time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had Another 40+ years? Why didn't you pull me from the path of the ambulance?"

God replied, "Well, I didn't recognize you."

> > >- - - End of the Story for now- - - < < <

Thanks, Kindly visit my websites & SIGN THE GUESTBOOKS:



Sealed with Love & Prayer - Patrick Nsionu - New York., 2002.

Also, if you have a great line, story, or joke, please email me at : PNsionu@aol.com

or, and, PatNsionu@Juno.com

(-: Remember, One little smile can fill a large room with sunshine :-)

For laughter is a good therapy for all sorts of phobia and maladies



FINAL EXAMS - (College Jokes).

At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry. They were doing so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an "A" so far for the semester. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to the University of Virginia and party with some friends there. They had a great time, but after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it. They explained that they had gone to University of Virginia for the weekend with the plan to come back in time to study, but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final exams.

The professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, worth five points. It was something simple about free radical formation. "Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room, "this is going to be easy." Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the second page was written: (For 95 points): Which tire? (And, as you can well guess, the rest was history)

==========-----------© 2002 Patty Nsionu Online----------=========